SUPERNOVA*

Friday, September 20, 2002

Love?

Im stressed... so frigging stressed I could pull my facking hair out. blarg! Ok lets startwith this morning when Shara listened to me bitch and moan about Ris {thanks babes! You rawk!} Apparently hes taking a "break" from... I dont know. Hes just taking a break. Which so.. pisses me off.

He refuses to take a stand on this whole Christina issue, flat out refuses! He doesnt understand why that upsets me, so then he reads my Kiwijournal... and I dont know... I just... *sigh* m going to post the conversation so I dont forget...

Ris:Oh boy!I just read your journal.......I didn't realise how much I upset you. I'm sorry if I made you cry.Maybe I didn't want to realise because you've been such a good friend to me and I know I've leaned heavily on you after I broke up with Ally. I've needed you're support but I never wanted it to be at your expense.I didn't want to get involved in your arguement with Christina because it would have meant getting involved with her and Ally again. Something I don't need right now. I tried to help you as best I could and I still maintain that the best course of action would have been to ignore them and let the whole situation calm down.The thing that worries me most is that you seem to be talking about me like I'm your boyfriend - which I'm not. Normal friends don't get that upset with each other.Perhaps I've overstepped the boundary of friendship by relying on you too much and I realise that I need to distance myself from you before I cause you any more heartache.It makes me sad that Fox wants to kill me. I don't know what you've been telling people or what I'm supposed to have done wrong.I'm taking some time out from the boards - just for a while to try and get my head together.Take careTristanxxx

Me~::sigh:: this sucks ass. Firstly we are far from normal friends Tristan, and maybe I didnt explain it so well in my entry, BUT the reason I was so angry was because I HAVE been there so much for you and put myself in situations that I didnt need to be in to try and help you, the reason I was SO upset is because I WAS doing my best to ignor them, with people like that it doesnt work they keep on and keep on and keep on till they get a responce, I havent given one YET and now they are sending their f*ckwit friends after me.Fox is angry becuase I got upset, because I was angry and beucase she doesnt like anyone hurting me when its very preventable. I havent TOLD people anything that I havent said to you. Do you always run when things get hard?

Ris~Lately...yes

Me~Well.... STOP
I understnad running from people like Ally, and Ausin, I understnad that, but not me Tristan, we have been through way to much for you to just bail when things get hard.
AND another thing! Ok yes maybe it bothers me a little when we fight and you are a dick to me because I know if I was anyone else you wouldnt, you would keep your tongue in check and not say something you know is hurtful, but at the same time, I also understand that you need someone to be the punching bag for you so in a sick way its comferting to know you find that in me.
I happen to LIKE talking to you, and helping you, being there when you need someone. I happen to like being if not the only one of the only people you talk to about real things.
And I never thought friendships had boundries... I didnt think it worked that way. There is no halfway to me Tristan. And you cant just make lines when we hit rocky ground. Its not fair.

Ris~I'm not running away. I'm just frightened that...grr....I don't know...You're treating me like a boyfriend and I don't want that..

Me~Has anyone told you lately you need to invest in thearpy?! My god, if thats what your worried about, if youd open your f**king eyes my darling buddy boy, Im SEEING someone irl

Ris~Good. That's cool. I'm glad you've found someone.So we're just friends then?And you're not going to try to seduce me on the boards anymore?

Me~whatever. I think besides admin shit Im leaving the boards.

Ris~Hmmmm... I'm starting to find the boards a chore.
It seems to be nothing but aggro from people.
You get the odd 'fun' day when lots of people post and you start getting a good storyline going.But his seems to be getting rarer.I start to dread logging in to my board. 6pms! today but mostly good.I was talking to Peter yesterday because other members were complaining about his RP.Haven't really spoken to him before. I was going to try to talk to him about you and christina but he went offline before I had the chance.

Me~Im just tired of.. everything. I wont have time beisdes, with classes and then assuming Kim keeps her word Im I start work on Monday or Tuesday I really wont have time for anything... blerg Im just sick of everyone not getting what I mean or what I try to do, I dont like having to explain myself and I seem to be doing that a lot.Frankly Peter can f**k himself. I dont care. He isnt worth it. I only ever thought there was one guy that was worth taking so much shit for.. but I was wrong about that.

and that was the end... ::sigh:: Ive avoided talking about cody or work beucase I didnt want him to feel like I was abandoning him. I guess I shouldnt have.....

xoxo SJ at 5:46 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

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