SUPERNOVA*

Monday, October 31, 2005

Ooopa

Eek!

I just realised how many days been entries I'd had. I haven't felt much like blogging- or anything latley.

However I did get my awards letter and set it all up so the thing should show my account as paid in full tomorrow and they should cut me a check on Wed. which means I might just have a phone and money for food. Bonus.

As you may or may not know I am spending the next week with Ari. YEY! A week away from the evil thing known as my MOTHER. BLEH!

This is good as she has been pushing my ever loving buttons lately and I just want to pinch her little eefing head off lately.

I am dreading Math tomorrow but trying not to think about it.

Halloween was sort of a bust in the Trick or Treater department, but then it usually is in Payette. Mom gets about twenty and thats just because she has students crafty enough to figure out where she lives. Mostly we stick a bowl of candy out and refill as needed. One year Alyson and I dressed up and handed out candy. I was a Queen Bee and she was a Scarecrow. She wore a pair of my old overalls and we stuffed it with a pillow (and people wonder why I'm so funny about my clothes. HA.)

I must say today was very well spent. I didn't worry or fret over a GD thing. We watched Two and a Half Men, Casper meets Wendy, and a couple history specials. It was AWESOME.

And as soon as D & T get here we're having a HP marathon! T dressed up like a Gryffindork. Erg I must say, as the Slyth Raven of an all Gryffie group I feel very misplaced lol.

Anyway I've nothing else to say....

EXCEPT

NANO STARTS TOMORROW!

xoxo SJ at 1:10 PM.

Friday, October 28, 2005

1oo Things You Never Knew...

1oo. I was born in February of 1985
o99. My mother never lets me forget she went through thirty-six hours of hellish labor.
o98. I never let her forget she made the next twenty years intolerable.
o97. I love anything Pink
o96. I love anything that sparkles
o95. I go spastic over things that are Pink AND Sparkley
o94. I will never be “thin” and people who are annoy me
o93. I spend insane amounts of time on homework that is absolutely meaningless
o92. I am an RPG addict.
o91. I’m only happy when it rains. .
o9o. I like life complicated.
o89. I try to “fix” people.
o88. My best friend is 18 years older than I am, and I get along better with her than anyone near my own age.
o87. I love South Park.
o86. I want to marry Kenneth Branagh.
o85. I’d settle for an intellectual marriage to a certain professor who shall remain nameless.
o84. I want to teach as Vasser.
o83. I have the attention span of a Nat unless its something I find terribly interesting,
o82. I fear being average.
o81. No matter what anyone says I still don’t think I’m smart enough to get into Reed or Southern.
o8o. I hate Math.
o79. Science is equally evil.
o78. I am only on speaking terms with one of my exes- and its ironic because she’s one of my closest friends.
o77. I didn’t pass my driving test.
o76. I hate being behind the wheel.
o75. I want to see the world before I’m too old to enjoy it.
o74. I love too hard.
o73. I expect too much.
o72. I live for jewelry in silver, though platinum is beautiful too.
o71. I am shallow in a lot of ways.
o7o. I would give my soul for a pair of Manolos.
o69. I would give the soul of my first child if I could fit into “skinny jeans”.
o68. I am not above making deals with the devil.
o67. I used to be an altruistic hippy.
o66. I take, on average, two showers a day.
o65. Most of my underwear is pink.
o64. I love Pizza Hut.
o63. I am a hopeless romantic.
o62. Who doesn’t believe in love.
o61. I hate sunlight.
o6o. I am a total night person.
o59. I have a horrible temper
o58. I hold a long grudge.
o57. I still have all of my Barbies from when I was like five.
o56. I could eat Arby’s everyday.
o55. I don’t like steak.
o54. I love History.
o53. I watch documentaries on ancient civilizations for fun.
o52. I have actually read The Art of War.
o51. But I couldn’t finish Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
o5o. I am intimidated by people smarter than me.
o49. I am the Comma Princess (Ari is the Queen)
o48. I have dreams of being published.
o47. I stand in my own way.
o46. I love dogs.
o45. I love my cats (other people’s not so much- except Ford.)
o44. I don’t actually like soda.
o43. I drink out of force of habit.
o42. I could gladly spend all my money on White Chocolate Lattes.
o41. I would love to spend the rest of my life discussing literature.
o4o. I think Goths are hot.
o39. I also think on a whole they’re self absorbed and annoying.
o38. I have no tolerance for inconsiderate people.
o37. I am too hard on myself.
o36. I am too hard on others when they don’t act the way I think they should.
o35. I have never been out of the country.
o34. I have only ever been marginally out of the state.
o33. I love Family Guy
o32. I watch the Simpsons almost every night.
o31. I hated Friends when it was on the air, but love it in reruns.
o3o. I want to be Marilyn Monroe.
o29. I hate Ana Nicole Smith.
o28. I believe Harry Potter is better than Shakespeare.
o27. I actually don’t love Shakespeare as much as everyone thinks.
o26. I just happen to be really good at it.
o25. I have never used the word “I” so many times in my life.
o24. I want to live in Ireland.
o23. I will live in New York.
o22. I don’t want kids.
o21. I like having my own life.
o2o. I no longer desire to be in committed relationships.
o19. I have completely let go of the biggest crutch in my life (Clare)
o18. I live in dreaded anticipation for summer.
o17. I am jealous of those with innocence and blind faith.
o16. I am jealous of those who understand proper punctuation.
o15. I can’t be bothered with proper punctuation.
o14. If I were a Stripper my stage name would be Lola St. Clair
o13. I find strange comfort in my hatred of Catholisim.
o12. I have no faith.
o11. I shop too much.
o1o. It’s easier for me to love the flaws of others than accept my own.
oo9. I am still bitter that someone else got to write Cissa.
oo8. If I had been a Grecian Woman, I would have worshiped the furies.
oo7. I see things as very black and white, but have little tolerance for others that disagree.
oo6. I have not yet realized my own worth.
oo5. I’m working on it.
oo4. I love my mother even though it doesn’t always sound like it.
oo3. The strongest women in my lives all have high school educations.
oo2. I believe in love, but am too Jaded to accept it.
oo1. I miss dressing up as a fairy princess.

xoxo SJ at 1:19 PM.

White Chocolate Lattes

You know, its like 8:42 but I actually feel like a human being. Ari popped by at 7:eeking30 and we went on a marry way and got White Chocolate lattes from Joltz n Juice. I love that place. Except today they had annoyingly slow people working the counter and it took them forever. But NOW I have had my latte and I feel HUMAN again. ugh.

I got my paper back from Gill on "O", he said it was wordy but still good. If he had jsut read it beforehand then I might not have been so wordy but whatever. I'm not bitter.... No! Really. Im not. I got an A. That makes me happy ^_^

I have lab today. EW. Luckily she's only been keeping us till about 12:30ish. Last time we got out at 12. So you know. Whatever. I should be home before long. Then I have to call my little sister because I've had two urgent phone messages from the little deary and a letter and two emails. I think she's desperate for some love.

They'll be here for Thanxgiving but um... I don't like my dad's familia. Soooo I don't know if I'll go up there or just hide out at home. I might just hide out and meet her for coffee one day. I don't need to answer anymore questions about my goals in life concidering that I have more than any one of them ever did. *annoyed tick*

I don't think any of my new friends knows how much I hate holidays. BLEH!

Annnyway. Its time to get to getting

xoxo SJ at 12:07 PM.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Deep Thoughts Hurt My Sicky Brain

Sweet Jesus I have entered the seventh level of hell.

Every muscle in my body hurts, even my tongue... and my eyeballs.

I've been running a low grade temp for about two days, nothing major, except my cheeks really hurt (my fevers seem to rest there more so than my forehead?). Actually right now they almost burn to the touch, except my fingers are so cold that they're like ice cubes.

I'd wrap up except that it feels like every nerve ending in my body exists above the surface of my skin. Even my nice soft PJs hurt

xoxo SJ at 8:05 AM.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Ouch

Its strange to hear someone you love to death tell you that you shouldn’t do the one thing you actually aspire to. It’s always soothed of course by a compliment in another strong area, but it really did hurt to hear her say that I couldn’t possibly be good at it because I’m too judgmental.

There is a difference between having to work with idiot writers who don’t understand the concept of character and plot development and sharing with the world a love of literature. If I went to Ashland, got my PhD, then, I had hopes of becoming a Professor…

Lesley told me I’m not nice enough to do it.

It really hurt my feelings (which sounds so lame). I felt like four inches tall when she said it. It doesn’t help that I’m stuck, at home, every night, and she’s got new friends that she goes out with till god knows when doing god know what.

Its not that I don’t want her to have friends.

Its that I’m feeling terribly unimportant and unloved, and unwanted (Dealing with Shaun does that to me), and she’s really leaving. She’s not going to be here for my twenty-first. She’s not going to be here for my graduation. She’s not going to be here.

Mahaffey was right.

Being alone in the life boat is only marginally better than being alone in the water.

xoxo SJ at 8:04 PM.

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

Mega Bitch.

I am in a foul mood. I have been for about two days now. I’m trying to be cheerful and not let these things bog me down, but thinking about school next fall is already giving me hives. It doesn’t help of course that everyone is leaving and everything is changing. I wouldn’t say that I’m jealous of Tina and Diane, but in a way maybe I am. No, jealous isn’t the right word, it’s a different sort of feeling. I like them, I like that Ari has friends and places to be and things to do. I like that she isn’t quite so angry anymore and has positive outlets for her energy.

I suppose, really, I just miss last year. I miss how everything was insanely complex but also insanely fun. I miss how nothing ever made sense, but it all worked out in the end. I miss having a place of my own, a life of my own, a world of my own. When I was sad or angry or hurt, I could literally go into my dorm room, lock the door, and not have to deal with anyone. I could shut the whole world out until I got my bearings again… and somehow that never seemed to take as long when I could finally pull away and sort myself out.

I don’t have anywhere to go anymore. I mean I do but I don’t. I can’t ever seem to escape myself, or my mother, or my idiot feelings about this that and the other.

It occurred to me today how terribly vindictive I am. We had a girl who deleted all of characters and created a new one, pretending to be someone else. She was the fuel to Jamie’s flame, yet she created another character? I sat through being called a Nazi Bitch (and I don’t care what you say Ari, in the context in which she used it, it WAS offensive), and yet we mollycoddled Jamie, and now no one is going to tell Jenni she’s been found out and that she fucked up massive threads because of her temper tantrum. She just gets to get away with it.

Her whole big gesture of deleting all her characters because we were too mean to her, all of that BULLLFUCKINGSHIT. And no one is going to say anything to her about it. That strikes me as inherently wrong. I don’t know why. The thing that bothers me the most is I can’t do or say anything about it. She keeps talking to me, like I want to hear a damn thing she has to say, like I care what she thinks? She’s a fucking disgrace.

xoxo SJ at 1:03 PM.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

I hada bit of a melt down today… more like a really big one actually. But since its my journal I can make it be what I want it to be.

I have spent the last week trying to understand these stupid math concepts. I still don’t. I took a break yesterday and did the rest of my homework so I could focus on this one thing, this one very important, life altering chapter. You see, if I fail THIS test, there is no way to pass my math class with more than say a C, I could handle a C, the C isn’t a big deal. In the pressure of understanding all of this, getting it done by Tuesday, and I still haven’t gotten the first section done.

I actually went back in the book and tried to re-read the chapter on solving for Y and slope intercepts.

That made me hyperventilate and burst into tears because I feel like an utter moron.

I don’t understand these things. In Biology you can hazard a best guess. I have to show my work and keep things neat in math though, this whole not being able to bullshit my way is making me sick.

I spent all this morning trying to understand these things; finally by the time mom got home I was in tears, sobbing nearly hysterically into my math notebook, proclaiming loudly that I will never graduate, ever. I will never have a job or a family or a life. EVER. It frightens me sometimes how my brain works.

Then of course mother asked the question “Well what would happen if you dropped this class and just focused on everything else.”

What would happen is that I wouldn’t graduate next summer- like I’ve been telling everyone since LAST Spring. I would be stuck at TVCC until next fall.

This of course made me cry harder.

At the moment I’m mostly cried out, but I still feel stupid. I’m so stressed that I can literally feel my brain cells shutting down. Its like my body’s way of dealing with painful things is to not deal with them. I have a TEST Tuesday and I haven’t got my homework done. I haven’t had time at all this week because I’ve been so focused on studying for Biology and Western Civ. Then I had to catch up on Othello- when I had thought I was an act ahead, I was really four scenes behind. I still haven’t finished my paper for Master Chief C, or my stupid paper on “O”. I feel like Im losing my mind, and the thing that RR told me was that if I couldn’t devote myself to Math it was better to drop it.

THAT was his wonderful advice.

And before anyone suggests that the reason Im behind is because of all the time I’ve spent on Hogwarts, that’s not it at all. I haven’t actually really written at all besides last night- after I’d spent ALL DAY working on other homework and catching up on reading. The rest of the week I’ve been too drained to do anything at all with it. Not to mention that my characters aren’t coming out or across like they’re supposed to at all.

I’m so tired of everything right now. And I’m not saying I’m the only one, but I’m about ready to freak out completely over it.

Which is scary in and of itself because if I cant handle this stupid stress how the fuck am I going to function in the real world?

xoxo SJ at 4:01 AM.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Temptered Wrath

surprise surprise.

I have decided though that the rational, logical, perfectly normal part of my brain has seperated herself from me and is pointing and laughing saying "HA See how you like doing without me now BITCH!"

I really hate her sometimes. *kicks*

xoxo SJ at 1:00 AM.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Welcome to ADULTHOOD

I am so fucking frustrated right now! I can’t deal with anymore crap this term and it’s only the fourth week.

Apparently, the loan my mother was just SURE she was going to get, the loan that she signed the acceptance for, as been denied. This loan was going to be for about 10,000 which would have given me money to actually live on for the next eight months or so. However, now that she’s been denied, this means that I might be able to take out 3500 in loans- that has to stretch over the next three terms because I’m going to have to take a class in summer. This means I only get another 875 a term, which means that after I pay for CLASSES ALONE, I’ll have about $384 to buy books (which was nearly 300 this term) and live on for three months.

Ari, of course, has a solution for this. I’ll live at home and carpool with Hope once she’s gone, I’ll just have to suck it up.

I know that everyone will do everything they can to make this a little easier, I know that. I know that to the world that doesn’t live inside the house that this might not seem like such a big deal. Ari and I will throw up some curtains, clean out the cobwebs, and make it feel like home… and that might help.

But I every day that I spend with my mother, is another day I feel a piece of me dying inside.

I loved being out on my own. I loved being able to have my space and my life and no one could tell me where I needed to be or what I needed to be. I was, for the fist time in my life, feeling free. I had that... and I was so close to having it again. I was so unbearably close I could taste it. I was counting down the days until I could be out on my own again.

Maybe the thing that makes this so hard, the thing that breaks my heart, is that I don’t have any choice in the matter anymore. I don’t get to have a say in what really happens now. I just have to do what I have to do, and suck it up. I hate that.

Welcome children, to Adulthood. Definition: Doing the shittiest things in life for no fucking money, respect, or joy- with a smile on your pretty little face.

xoxo SJ at 12:53 PM.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Mornings. Suck. ASS.

I am so tired it's not even funny. Seriously. I didn't sleep very well last night, I coudln't get comfortable and then when I did I had all of these thoughts running through my sweet little head. I hate it when I get like that, I really can't seem to just shut it off.

I have a test in bio tomorrow. I don't wanna gooooooooo.

I am seriously READY for this term to be OVER. I'm tired of fucking about. I need a break.

On the plus side, my loan should be here this week I hope. UGH Im getting sick of fucking dumbass college stuff.

I have to start getting on my applications to other schools as well. Im so scared!

Tired tired tired. Must finish Othello notes. BLEH!!!!

Its my late night too. sucky ducky.

xoxo SJ at 7:52 AM.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Loathing List

I have decided Im going to make a list of characters I can't stand on HM. They are driving me nuts. Aderes gets worse everyday. Seriously. UGH. And she's just picked up like two new characters- after saying she didn';t have time for more. WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Dumbasses *grumbles*

xoxo SJ at 12:51 AM.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Bitch Bitch Whine Whine

Do you want to hear the funniest/strangest thing? It’s nine in the morning; I don’t have class until like noon. However Ari had earlier classes, and needed help with her homework for Math 111 (Little Miss Smarty Smart). I was actually going to blow off today, in fact I even canceled my breakfast with Liz because I didn’t think I would force myself to come. However Ari talked me into it because… she’s persuasive like that.

I hate this term already. I don’t want to be here. I don’t know what my problem is, but apparently I’m not the only one having this issue. Knowing this at once makes me feel better, and terrible. It’s a catch 22 I suppose. Anyway I don’t have any real rant today- or rather I have the same ones I have every day. Jamie’s a bitch, life’s a bitch, my mom’s a bitch, I’m a bitch. Ha.

xoxo SJ at 12:50 PM.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Little Miss Sicky Sick

I do believe I've entered the seventh ring of hell.

It's possible I over dosed on rage against Jamie last night.

I really went off to Natalie, which isn't very healthy

However, more than likely its the fact the only thing I ate yesterday was Jack in the Crack and Arbys cheese sticks. My body is on revolt since apprently I am not taking care of it.

I am going to crawl back into my little hole and slee

xoxo SJ at 11:47 AM.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Reading Responce that turned to Mega-Bitch

This weeks reading was interesting, in the sense that it gave me a lot to worry about. I had three quarters of the way finished my story, quiet proud of how quickly it was all coming along (in hind sight that should always be a warning), in pausing long enough to reread chapters seventeen and eighteen I found all sorts of flaws in my writing. My characters aren’t exactly memorable, though they are composites of the lovely women in my life. The action isn’t so much action as the main characters self doubt and fear. She’s conflicted only because she’s a tad self pitting, and I doubt I’ve gotten into her skin at all. I have managed to describe the world around her, but I’m becoming paranoid that it’s all trivial mindless stuff that doesn’t quite get across her feeling of hopelessness so much as the fact that despite being witty and articulate she is hopeless.

It’s strange in a sense, as a role play writer I have become acutely aware of the world surrounding my characters. Their transformations, alterations, and devastations unfold easily through a few simple hours of writing with my friends. Even their histories can be summed up in a few paragraphs with paraphrasing and memory alteration. They feel completely real, as though they have lives of their own- yet in some ways many of them remain very flat. There is nothing more to then than that first layer one puts out. I know that even at times I am still guilty of this. It’s hard to give dimensions to someone who A) you know you’re going to kill off, or B) is meant to just be a plaything for the masses around her.

I’ve also see it go the other way though- people spend so much time in the details they completely lose the plot. The devil might be in the details, but there are some characters that are so jam packed with pointless information- or disgustingly dramatic backgrounds- that they lose all meaning. They aren’t real, they are at best what we like to call Misery Mary Sues. These are the characters that have been so abused, so depressed, so wounded and “hurted”, so wha-look-at-me-ish that they can’t allow anyone else to contribute anything. This is not only annoying in forum writing, but a pain in the ass to read as well.

It isn’t often that I’m guilty of characters like this, I find they offer no inspiration because more often then not their stories are dull and lack any action because they’re too busy whining about their miserable lives and the time their daddy didn’t take them to the Christmas party. It’s depressing really, and the plot device relied on most heavily in those times of course is the “saving grace” the person that they fall in love with and makes them turn it all around. HA! I don’t know just who that supposedly happeneds for, but any time I’ve fallen on my backside, I’ve had to pull myself back up. I suppose that’s where we find fiction meets reality? The reality of it is no one can save you if you can’t save yourself- the fiction of it is we all want that special someone to sweep us off our feet and wipe our cares away.

Ahem, I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent now. The only other thing I can really think to say is that they ought to have spent a little more time on names. I think names are one of the most important things about a character, there are some names that just don’t fit. For example, I am sick of hearing names like “Pandora Psyche Grimsby”! I understand that Psyche was a great story in Greek Mythology, as is Pandora, but come on people! Anyone who would name a child Pandora is just cruel. No if, ands, or buts about it- it would be like naming her Apple. I know we’re all guilty of this, I’ve been writing a character for six months named Evangeline- but in my defense, she hates her name and goes by Evie. The rule of thumb I always use is pretty simple really- don’t name your character anything you wouldn’t name your child. It’s cruel and unusual punishment. Besides, if you name her Pandora, everyone will call her Panda, or Panny (which is disturbingly similar in sound to panties).

xoxo SJ at 5:46 PM.

I can smell your brains

Sleeeeeeeeeeeep *Zombie Face*

I am so tired, but I can't sleep. How the hell does that work again?

I'm stressing about Math test tomorrow. I so don't want to goooo. YICK. I don't care what Ari says, I shall never be a math student. NEVAR!

Har with spelling like that I'm surprised I'm an english student. ^_~

Im waiting for my hair to dry and thinking over character names. *sigh* my favorite past time WOOT.

xoxo SJ at 12:44 PM.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Money Money MONEY

I have offically gotten my award letter. I am getting 4,209 a term *dnaces* This term I'll have about 2800 left over after everything, I owe Aunt Carol about 500, but still that gives me a bit to budget with for next term. I AM HAPPY!

xoxo SJ at 2:43 PM.

Lalalalaaaa

I did absolutely nothing yesterday. NOTHING. Well that’s not true, I got caught up on Hogwarts Magic, well I got Lydia and Evie all caught up anyway. I didn’t even touch my Veela twin Toni. There are some issues I’m having with the threads where I was posting with her- i.e. that stupid bitch Freya deleted her characters without exiting so the whole damn thing is held up.

I need to not get started on that though. Ha. I will rant for days if I allow myself. It’s sort of sad really. x_x Anyway, yes I am still angry about that, and I will probably be angry about that for a long ass time, I however am not giving myself an ulcer over it anymore.

I suppose I did do something useful yesterday, I got four short stories read for Professor Maff. They really weren’t that bad, but now I have to write up a stupid journal entry on them. Its like a reading response- its not that its hard for me to write it, its that its fucking tedious to do. However, I got a + on my last r&r and lots of pluses in each of the columns that he thought was interesting. It made me feel bloody brilliant. Ha. I love Maff. He’s a HOOT- I have officially stolen Ari’s word.

I sent her a message on YIM yesterday, but she was away, and then I logged off and took a nap and when I came back she’d messaged me back but was offline *tear*. I missed her, I really don’t know how I went all summer without talking to her. (I’m still catching hell for that!)

I am back into my “Jack Johnson Phase”. I love that hippy dippy Hawaiian. I’ve been listening to his CD for two days now. I know every song by heart. I need to burn a copy for Ari because she needs some chill music, but the computer we have (since mine is still in storage) is ummm a piece of shit and doesn’t have any nifty stuff with it- like it didn’t even have an internal modem. What does that tell you? Ugh anyway, I will figure something out because I want to expose the world to JACK LOVE.

Must go to math. Ew. I don’t care what you say Ari, I’ll take short stories and essays over binomials ANY day of the week.

xoxo SJ at 12:42 PM.

Sleepy Girl

I am so tired! I don't understand why either. I came back to Ari's last night and just crashed. I watched a littel TV and must have drifted off because then I woke up and it must like four or five and the TV was still on. I turned it off and went back to sleep then Ari came in and turned on the light "Its Seven AM Missy. I've tried to wake you up twice now". Theres like such a huge difference in sleep, at home I wake up about twenty minutes before the alarm goes off. This could be because Im utterly uncomfy on the loveseat since I still don't have an eefing bed. *glower grumble grumble*

We studied for our test, went to school, Ari got annoyed with the stupid cashier @ the new little coffee place on campus, I talked to Cami, we took the test, I went outside with Hope while she smoked, checked on my loan cheque that STILL WASN'T THERE. UGH. And then we went to Wal*Mart and come back to the house because we are tried/hungry girls. The weather is nice and dreary and it seems perfectly wasted on sitting through Math. So Ari is going to tutor me, and explain the things I don't understand for the millionth time. Then maybe I will pass math.

I did my schedual yesterday, Im taking Bio 102, a Math, Western Civ, World Lit, annnnnd thats all. I think.

I'm sort of excited about World Lit, I like Shakespeare better but meh what are you going to do? Math and Science as always are going to be my HUGE stressers. YICK. I'll get through though. Gill reminded me yesterday we have to get started on my petition for graduation.

Maggie is sitting next to me, looking forlorn because I'm typing and not petting. She's so cute. I just want to cuddle her to pieces.

Ah now she's waddled off after Ford, she was so funny when I took her out to get Ari's garbage can.

I have nothing of interest to say anymore except that my NANO is going INSANELY slow. I am miserable over it. I need to just get over myself and start writing. blerg. I am also really stinking tired, and not just like sleepy, like my body feels heavy and all that fun stuff. I have no stamina anymore.

I so forgot to write about this the nother night, but Ari made me listen to The Burning Times Halloween Night. Ooooh that song gave me chills. Then she was laughing because she's really surprised sometimes that I'm not Wiccan, especially being the feminist I am.

Which actually makes a lot of sense because, at least in Catholisism, women mean fuck all. We might have given birth to the "Savior" but we were just a Holy Vessal for the big MAN upstairs. And I don't care what anyone says about us worshiping Mary, women still mean fuckall in the church. We can't be priests or popes or hold any station of power outside of "Mother Superior".

Snarff

I try not to talk religion with anyone because my views are just a bit skewed. My Uncle Terry is a fanatical SOB who always scared me so my vision of God is not gracious and loving but more vengful and abusive. (Is it any wonder with that infulence why all my relationships with men are so fuckered up?)

Annnyway I've gone on enough for this entry.

I have nothing interesting to say at the moment.

xoxo SJ at 12:13 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
♥ Myspace Vanity
♥ Vanity Fiction
♥ Profile Vanity

Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James