SUPERNOVA*

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Oy.

Garg!

I swear! I've picked up all Ari's lung/sinus problems in her absence! And whats really weird is that I'm not hanging out with smokers anymore and its worse than ever. I seriously don't get it.

I missed three days of classes, two of which were math days, but I'm doing ok I think. I don't want to be too confident or I might have it totally blow up in my face again.

Anyway, the cough stuff they gave me completely knocked me on my ass and I've spent the last three days sleeping/recouping. However it always seemed to wear off right about 10 and I couldn't take anymore so I'd be up all night and exhausted the next morning. UGH.

Anyway, things here are ok, mildly annoying but ok. Still worrying about Katie but I've accepted I can't force her to get the help she needs, I can't make her face this until she's ready. I am glad that she's talked to Amanda about what happend with Em. It's pretty heavy burden to carry on my own, and now at least someone there knows what she went through and can keep an eye on her.

I haven't touched my novel lately. I feel so uninspired....

However, I got into a spat with Auntie S. last night so I think that might be changing. She got mad at me for asking if she'd been drinking, but I don't see how she CAN because thats really the only time she calls anymore. Whatever, I don't care.

Uncle E. was back in the Hospital they took like half a pint of fluid off his lungs or something? I don't know. Mom told me but I tend to tune her out. Aunt Carol is alright but looking really run down. If I didn't have so much math this weekend I might go and stay with her. However, school comes first. Oh the joy.

Anyway Im sitting in the lab, waiting for someone to show up so I might have a conversation with someone besides my mother. Kadie and I got Coffee from J&J this morning. It was nice. I'm glad we're spending time together again, it makes me feel not quite so isolated.

xoxo SJ at 12:44 PM.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Meep Meep

meep

Did any of you realize that there is NO ONE online at 7:37 in the morning?

I have a nasty cough and it hurts to breathe to boot. Can one get Bronchitis from someone? I don’t even remember but I feel like hell this morning. I cannot wait for this weekend because I fully intend to sleep all fucking Saturday. I am already burned out.

Wah wah, bitch bitch, it’s all I ever do anymore.

I have been spending a lot of time with Kadie lately though. We got coffee yesterday and that was nice (even though our coffee bar TOTALLY sucks. Whatever brand they use is seemingly more bitter than say Joltz and Juice.

Ugh I don’t have class for like an hour and twenty minutes. Ick. Then I have to hang out from 10 until 12, then from 12 until four.

It all just makes me tired.

I’m done whining for the moment though.

xoxo SJ at 7:43 AM.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

AHHHH!

Is it possible to be SO stupid?

I got a 61 on my math test. The math test that I spent countless hours studying for, the math test I was SURE I was ready to take, the math test that I felt so good about when I was all done

And the most annoying thing of all is that it was all stupid mistakes. it was all.. kist... GAH! Not following through or reading the directions closely. And its like all the questions everyone else did really bad on I got, and aced but the ones that everyone else breezed throyugh kicked my sorry ass. I am so... GRRR! I am so frusterated with myself. I mean I am really trying, really really trying. I know that I've half assed my way through thus far, but I really put so much into this first test and I knew it, I knew it cold.

I really just want to cry.

xoxo SJ at 7:40 PM.

Friday, January 13, 2006

BAH

I am sure EVERYONE is sick of hearing this, but it's MY blog so I'm going to say it again: I feel like shit. UGH! DAMN hormones make me all fucking weepy and yesterday I seriously thought I was going to d-i-e. I hurt so bad I couldn't move and ended up with like a blinding migraine. I know this will supposedly be over soon but the last time we enduced a cycle it lasted three fucking weeks ok?

Anyway other than that information none of you really wanted, my hair looks so cute. Anita did it last night. I took one of moms vicodin before going over and so sitting in the chair wasn't horrible and it was just the pick me up I needed. We went with a darker base- closer to my natural hair color (does anyone even know what that is anymore? If my roots hadn't been so long I'm not sure I could have told her!) and then we put in chunky funky red. Which really pops against the chocolatey brown of the base. It's SO cute. I love it. She loved it as soon as she'd done the rinse.

I still haven't managed to finish Ya-Ya's in Bloom. I go back and forth in my thinking of it. Parts of it are really touching, but a lot of it feels forced. It's good, I just don't know if its as good as Little Altairs everywhere, but I don't know if that's a fair judgment to make you know? Little Altairs is my favorite book, like it ranks up there with the Harry Potter books.

Anyway I am rambling and I need to work on my math so I will jet for now. I can't believe it's only 7:43, 1:30 seems so far from now!

xoxo SJ at 7:31 AM.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Ok today offically sucks. Well not really, but sort of. I have seriously deadly cramps and feel like my body might just reject all organs at the moment. I really hate being a woman. Lucky you, you all get to hear about this for the next two weeks or whenever the Cosmos decide to stop punishing me.

Math was quick and easy today even though I was like two seconds late. Ari would be so proud I sit up front like a proper student. Ha. I cannot wait to get the hell out of here. I am so sick of seeing the same hundred faces every single 'eeking day.

With the exception of Mr. Cute Boy who works at the gas station Mom stops at every morning and weekend. he is just too cute- but he's also really sweet which is sort of charming but it gets a girl hopes up. He's actually sitting like ten feet away. Ugh so cute.

Anyway. Enough rambling. I have nothing to say, except that I am utterly in love with TINT. Yep. I actually altered my uber Feminist speech into an article for the site and submitted it. When I last checked it was still on the front page. ^_^

xoxo SJ at 1:26 PM.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Oh Hapy Day

I missed Lit today because Hope couldn't find her keys, I was already like thirty minutes late so I just say in the little cafe lounge they've finally opened on campus and went over my math to be sure I really really had it down. Then went to Gills office to catch up on what I had missed. Of course it wasn't anything important because I already know all of this from the three terms of Shakespeare I had.

Math is going pretty well. I connect with Dewight who isn't really like any other Professor I've ever had.

I think Professor G. has given up on me. Somehow I'm not terribly distraught. I'm just doing what I have to to get the fuck outta here.

I am mega bloated today with cramps like a mofo. I seriously HATE being a girl, but in most instances it does beat the alternitive.

xoxo SJ at 1:24 PM.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

bleeeee

Managed to get all my homework done this weekend. I am actually three acts ahead in World Lit, I just need to answer the unobligatory questions. Spent Saturday and most of today in Mom's classroom.

I have come to the decision Ari spoiled me. Rain or shine she was completely reliable when it came to carpooling together, and if she wasn't she gave me lots of notice. I liked that. Life fit into an easy routine. Now everything is always so up in the air and I hate it with a passion. I feel like I can't get my footing.

I don't know. I have a persecution complex.

I am also really tired. This weekend was not long enough. I have a math test Friday, unless Dewight moves it back to the monday after next. Goodie.

berf this is short. I have nothing of interest to say, except that I am finally back online, and probably very depressed because I got two more crates out of storage and that means being here is more real, which makes me more unhappy. But whatever. Its not for long and I've really missed my books.

xoxo SJ at 9:11 PM.

Mergandorff

Had a Dr. appt today. That went... yea. I don't know what to say actually.

I am not a happy person right now. I think the marjority of it has to do with the fact that Im PMSing. It always makes me super emotional.

I didn't even enjoy Lit yesterday- however I did get my portfolio back. I found so many mistakes when I went through and read this time it was crazy. *sigh* Perhaps Im too critical of my self. I don't know.

Anyway. I need to call in today and get the results on my pap. I'm dreading it really. I cannot deal with one more thing right now.

I have like an hour and ten minutes before class starts. Bah. Then I get to hang out for an hour and a half after- I dont mind though because Hope is being sweet enough to come pick me up and she really didn't have to. Anyway Im tired of talking to myself so Im going to go answer my little sisters email. Blerf.

xoxo SJ at 7:08 PM.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I don't know if anyone else finds this, but for me personally this is so much easier to update when I'm at school. Outside the no net factor of home, I just remember to do it when I'm at school. It's weird.

Today is going to be a bit long as its 7:47 atm and I don't have class until 9, the joys of not having a car. Anyway that is all going to be fixed by the end of next week I am bound and detremined.

I talked to Ari last night for like an hour. I called her because I thought that I had missed her call earlier in the day, but actually it was the message I interrupted yesterday. I really should check the machine more often- or fix the time clock thingy on it. Anyway. We talked for like an hour. I also glanced at her pictures today and I can offically say I am lividly jealous but very very happy for her.

We (meaning she) decided last night that my graduation goal is not actually (er not only maybe is a better way to say?) getting my degree, but to be a size 20. I think this is actually pretty logical concidering how I'll have to get to and from classes once I get to Portland (walking. uphill. both ways). I just have to get my jiggly ass in that mind set. Which I already have by completely giving up soda and lattes (except on very bad days and then its supposed to be fat free).

We also discussed that finacially if Fall is a better time to come, its ok because I'll always have a place there. Which was really nice to here because at the moment, I am really worrying about how I'm not only going to pay for school there but then theres rent and food money and I'm good with managing my money as long as I'm on my own. I don't spend spend spend on myself- but there are things that Mom needs help with, that she asks for and then gets angry when I tell her no. And then I have that whole guilt complex. UGH. Thats so negitive so we're not going to think about that right now because I'm in a pretty great mood.

Ash I guess has found a place in Bosie. I don't know what that means for her job situation. She's working on P town right now, and that would be an hour commute to go to work at a job that probably wouldn't cover gas money to and from with the whole paycheck... really I just stopped asking questions. I think that is best for everyone involved. I don't know then I can't worry. See I'm getting smarter. ^_^

Well I should head over to the book store as it opens in four.

xoxo SJ at 8:10 AM.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ha! Its funny how when you have a check, and you know that you will have money to live on, life seems ever so much brighter. Seriously. I jsut straightened out my finaical aid. This means that I can not only afford to get my application in, but that I don't have to beg barrow or steal to afford my text books for Gills class. I can budget and not touch more than two hundred of this loan. I'll eat at home, and I've completely cut coffee out of my diet, except on very hard days in which I will use my gift certificate I got for Christmas.

I feel loads better, I don't know what it is, but my friend Steph is in Math with me, I got to talk to Ari before Math, I love love love Dewight and he was so super helpful, AND I have money. Its funny but Im so careful with it as long as its in large sums.... meaning anything over a dollar. ^_^

I feel better. Yey. ^_^

xoxo SJ at 9:08 PM.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Hmmm

I wonder sometimes if the world isn't trying to tell me something. Today started off bad and has just gotten worse. Perhaps it is because I don't really want to be here this term that the universe is conspiring against me. Perhaps it is because last quarter I was an awful person. Perhaps it is because right now there is a rip in the cosmos and it's affecting no one but me.

I don't know. I don't care. I just want it to stop.

I don't want to be in school. I don't want to deal with the hassle of transportation, I don't want to have to haul my ass out of bed at 7 fucking 30 in the morning and just hang out on campus for a math class I don't even want to take, that I'm not even REALLY enrolled in. Dewight told me there was really no way I could get into his math class, fourth on the waitlist rarely do. I just... GRR

There is no other time I could take it, no other option. And I have been sitting in this computer lab for an hour because I thought I had Math today but apprently I can't read and its Monday Tuesday Thursday Friday.

To add serious insult to injury I haven't been sleeping propperly, and Hope can't bring me the rest of this week because she's sicker than a dog. Which means coming in like four hours early. I hate not having a car. I hate living like this. I really... can't remember why I cared to try and better myself when everything just seems to get in the way.

I am bitchy, and hormonal, and tired, and cramping. I don't want to play anymore.

OH and my piece of shit computer is out of service for the next however long it takes Andy to find me the information I need.

xoxo SJ at 7:05 PM.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy FUCKING New Year.

Today is the first day of the next year of my life. It dawned dreary and cold. My feet are freezing and there is absolutely nothing good on TV and I've seen all my movies a million times. I can't work on my novel because my brain feels like a Brazilian team of Elephan rugby players are rolling around and trying to kill one another.

I have one reasolution for this coming year, which I have to keep or Ari will murder me: Daily update my blog because lets face it, talking about my life is the only thing going on in my life. *que bad rim shot*

Anyway. I have also basically diecided to go to school part time for two reasons, the first would be money or lack there of, the second would be my own santiy. Taking so many credits last term really did me in. I think this term since Professor G. insisted I'll take his World Lit and do my math. I'm going to get Nancy to tutor me and maybe take it at night. This makes life in general easier and frees up more time for me to continue the job hunt which is still not going well.

In other news: Mother is the only person in the world that could have two cars and have both crap out on her. I am annoyed. She's also been emotional and annoying lately.

I started the stupid little pills that are supposed to jumpstart my cycle too, they make me a grumpy old bitch- and seem to induce headaches and cramping before I've actually started. Im only on the four day of ten and already I want to kill myself. I remember now why I was happy when I didn't have to deal with this all the time.

Happy Fucking New Year everybody ^_^

xoxo SJ at 4:54 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

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