Saturday, September 21, 2002

Tears of fear and pain

Im listening to George Striat. Im an idiot. I wish Shar was on. Shes so great at distracting me...
I think youknowknow has a thing for Cally... and It makes me sick. Litterally sick. I love him so much, and its so obvious its not mutual, and I cant stop, so Im pulling away, but as soon as I make the decision to run, he PMs me telling me something awful has happend and he needs me. And I cant bring myself to walk away from him.

I thought... I thought Cody was the answer. I really did. I thought... I dont know.. god it hurts. Im like weeping, if Mom comes out Im going to catch hell. I cant believe its three am. How is it possible to feel so empty, so unworthy, so.... unloveable.

Oh god Collin Rye is on ::sobs:: "I Can Still Feel You"Remind me again it isnt me... please? Please remind me again its not in me its in them.. Ill believe you this time and remember I pormise... just tell me again because I dont believe yet...

Im such a weak idiot. How can I begrudge him the bit of happiness Cally can bring him? What kind of person am I to do that to him. He doesnt want me, why should he stop living because I love him and it hurts?

Maybe if i leave... maybe we will both be better off...

xoxo SJ at 10:28 AM.



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Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
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