SUPERNOVA*

Saturday, March 22, 2003

So on to the last few days,I dont even know what to say. One night Kenneth and I had a long talk, about Kate and what hes going to tell her when she decides to pop back into her life, he said the truth and I told him there were many versions of the truth, in all honesty I was spoiling for a fight, maybe I was looking or a reason to be like "see! hes just like the rest" but he isnt. I can say that with full faith now.
He called me Thursday afternoon, he was so exahusted, he just wanted to talk to me before he went to bed, he actually dozed off for a few minutes while we were talking, he has the cutest snore. He truly does just.... shoot stright to my heart, in everyway possibe, just the way he is gets me. It scare me, but at the same time... when Im talking to him there is so much more then fear. So much more then the pain I've known or the lies that Ive been told.
Part of me is terrified to let go and truly free fall into it. To let this feeling take over my being, to worship him with my soul, because Im so terrified of losing what little bit of myself I have left. Its not that I think he's lying, or that I dont believe him, but there is this seed of doubt in myself, and being worthy of his love, and its firmly rooted itself into my psychie.
Today Gabi had a little chat with him. I knew it was comming but I was a little stressed about it, one because I know how Gabs can be. That isnt a bad thing, Im very important to her, (as she is to me) and she would protect me at any cost, (as I would her) ut also because I was pretrafied she wouldn't like him, though its hard to imagine anyone not adoring Kenny ^-^. She's hasnt particularly liked anyone Ive dated since I met her, and she positivly detested Tristan. I supose she saw him for the toad he is, anyway, they talked and I was a little stressed about it, but they both handled themselves rather well.
About 15 minutes into the conversation, after intetial threats she told me she liked him and he said I was lucky to have someone who loves me so much. I guess the thing I thought would happen was, hed look at me and be like "heh right, youre so not worth this" when I told him that he told me that he would do anything for me, to be with me, and at the end of the day while he wanted their approval, I was the person he was in love with.
It occured to both of us quite awhile after I said it that I refered to him as my boyfriend, I didnt even catch it at the time, but some how it just felt right, the word sort of fell off my tounge. And he of course has no objections. I however am not looking forward to the day Kate comes back and he tells her about me. I have a feeling I will have another ex girlfriend on my ass, and quite frankly, I wont be as nice to her as I was to the last one I had to deal with. I can't stand what she did to Kenneth. He isn't perfect, he is human, I haven't put him up on this pedistle, but, he IS a good man, and no one deserves to be jerked around the way she jerked him around.
blah its nearly one 30 and Im spent. Im going to email Kenneth and then Im off to bed. My pain pill is starting to work and Ill be goofy gone in a minute. Much love my little darlings *mua*

xoxo SJ at 11:46 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

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Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

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