SUPERNOVA*

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

slip

Its just a slip up... But its a slip tht cost my pretty little skin a few more scars. I do ok when I dont think about him, when I pretend he was never real... but when Im forced to remember I feel so worthless... it was my blood sweat and tears that went into the realtionship into him.. and he jut.. threw me away the only thing he can say is I made him weak. hendered him.
Then there is Here is this man, this proper man, a real man, who is strong, sucessful, romantic, loving, who thinks I walk on water with all the things he loves about me, and promise my flaws dont make me less, only tangible... here is this real live living breathing man who wants me. And the only thing I can think is.. men never fail to do what is in their nature to do. They fallow their peckers to greener pastures and tighter asses. Fallow there eyes to a body less scarred, and hearts to a soul less scared..... all the promises in the world cant make them stay.
If Im wrong, and my thoughts on men are totally off base you know what that means dont you?They dont leave everyone, they dont quash everyone under their boot heels they do it to me. The only thing Ive learned from my past is that I dont mean shit.
I fully believe people love to know we are not alone. To know we are wanted and needed.... that need is the same thing that drives me to smile like Im not dying and laugh like Im not in pain. Its just easier to believe I am not loveable and worthless then to risk having it taken away again.... In the moment Trist told me he loved me I became whole again, I loved blindly, faithfully, when he told me he lost his faith in me, I lost my faith in everything.
Dre and were talking and he told me the last time he and his ex broke up she was the one that ended it, and I couldnt help myself I was like "Maybe she was trying to leave before you left her again...Tristan was the one who broke up with me, but I was the one that left. And I left because I couldnt take it anymore, because I knew eventually he would leave me and the cycle would go on foever."

xoxo SJ at 2:49 AM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
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Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James