SUPERNOVA*

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Im in an insanely weird mood at the moment. More introsepctive and judgmental then I've been in awhile. Im sitting here thinking about everything thats happend since Friday and Ive come to the conculsion no one gives two shits. I mean honestly, its pathetic really. You pour you're heart out online, you live and die for this little world, and in the end its all text on a screen. It doesnt mean anything.But somehow it does. Somehow they mean more then the real words I hear everyday. Im angry with Trisha because she told me hat I felt for Jay, and Clare, and Shaun couldnt have been real, it was my excuse to love them and not have to deal with the physical part of it, the real part of it. And its such bullshit. Its not true I know that because I had realtionships in real life too. I had friends I had people I cared about, but obviously she thinks she can fucking psycho analyze me.Im angry with her, and annoyed, and right now I dont like her very much. And Im sick of reassuring people all the time, sick of making them happy, of helping them.Im sick of being there. Im sick of doing this. So from now on Im not going to. Because its fucking bullshit that Im supposed to talk to her, rely on her when she tries to finish my sentences and doesnt have a fucking clue what Im going to say.The only people who have ever known me well enough to know what Im going to say without me saying it are Shaun and Jay. Fuck Jaymie and I finish eachothers ideas half the time when we're outlining a story.In other news, I had an ok Easter. Wasn't as much fun as telling people last year my present was a six pack of beer and bubbles. But I really like my watch mom got me. I got a great pair of plaid pants too, and a shirt that says "Coca Cola" on it. They look adoribl together and a pair of butterfly flip flops, and this really yummy homemade chocolate buttercream egg. Picked Kimber and Tristen up from Kuna, took them back the dorms, we were goofy mom lauged a lot. Then as we were driving home she said "You know, You girls are different without Trisha, you're more at ease" and its true, because Trish is so caught up in her image and trying to be "mature" she cant be FUN. Its like shes so fucking judgemental of people who have things like nice clothes and expensive cars, and yet she preaches about acceptance. Its like "Everyone but people well off deserve exceptance" and its fucking bullshit. Shes a fucking hypocrite, and it really bothers me. Its like she doesnt want to work to be more then what she is, but she expects me to feel sorry for her when its not handed to her. Im sorry, Im not going to be anyones enabler anymore. I did it for to fucking long with Clare. Im not going to let anyone take advantage of me anymore.

xoxo SJ at 9:42 AM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
♥ Myspace Vanity
♥ Vanity Fiction
♥ Profile Vanity

Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James