SUPERNOVA*

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Some wrongs can never be righted, friendships are lost, and even if it hurts you have to let go.I never once thought I'd believe that. Not until today. One fought for what they loved, but suddenly the fights gone out of me. Theres no point anymore, no point in begging or bleeding or crying. A sense of numbness came over me today when Missa called. We talked about finals and grades and how Travis wont stay away from his sister. We talked about burnout and old hurts and letting go.She was right, I will spend the rest of myself slowly backing away from the person that I was. And there are times, sins and actions that can't ever be righted. You just have to let go and move on.Appointment the 20th with another doctor. Im a little nervous. I don't know if I can go through more tests and hopes and all of that shit just to end up with another doctor who thinks everyone should be medicated and never listens to what Im really telling him. Because while I admit I need something, even being on pills isnt going to help with all the old shit Im working through.Im worried about Missa. I saw more cuts today. I can't condem or condone, it just makes me sick to think about how badly shes got to be hurting to go back to that. I know most of the problem at the moment is traced back to Jason and stress about the school and the play. Going to a late late late dinner with Mom. We'll camp out and Denny's for an hour or so probably. We haven't done that in awhile. Last night I was laying on her bed watching TV (another thing that hasnt happend in awhile) after she picked me up from class and we talked. About things I never thought Id admit to her. We talked about Dad and my friends and how Im feeling and what Im feeling. She said something about not understanding why I would let people who hurt me at all back into my life. I told her that it wasnt a fair thing to say because look at everything Jay and I went through, and now shes one of the only people I feel like I can talk to without fear of judgment. Its all about growing up. She smiled and kissed my forehead. Then we went back to making fun of Leno.Sometimes I really love my mom. Sometimes I can't stand her.Right now Im emotinally and physically drained. But I am slightly happy that Chairity will be back as soon as tomorrow night. I've really missed her these last few weeks and I dont know what Id do with out her. It was great when she came up for the summerschool meeting last month and we went to see 13 going on 30. Finals are approching bleck. Im not worried about English, we're having our acting one a week early, Im trying to find out about an incomplete for Math and Cultural Anthro wont be a problem if I get my ass in gear... the problem is at the moment Id rather be in bed. Or even better, with people. I hate being alone lately. I can't quite stand the sound of my own voice in my head anymore.Im tired and Chris is on so Im going to do something productive. Like glomp and snuggle him for an hour. *nod*

xoxo SJ at 9:54 AM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
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Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James