SUPERNOVA*

Thursday, July 22, 2004

O.F.F.S

Its currently obscenely early, I have a stomach ach and Im waiting to go on a trip I don't even want to go on. My Photography class is going to Silvercity, I don't really know anyone besides Les in my photography class, its going to be hot, and probably muggy with the weather we've had. I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it!In other news, I finally had enough money I felt safe opening my first real checking account last week. I feel all grown up. Which sounds really lame now that I've said it outloud. Good thing no one reads this!

Yesterday I went up to Black Canyon again with Jodes and the kids. It was a blast, Forest actually spent most of the day fairly close to us, practicing his cursive of all things! Hes and endearing little weirdo. Jodie and I were talking, about my Dad and how I feel about him, and my hesitation to let him back into my life. Jodie, though I love her, is really a Christianity cheer girl. She uses phrases like "when I accepted the lord into my heart" because I was raised with people like that, it doesn't really bother me. It often times doesnt leave me with much help. If the only answer is to accept God to find peace, then I may never have an answer. Right now Im looking for a little Faith and finding I've run out. Im tired of telling myself the Goddess doesn't give me more then I can take, because at times I can't take anymore and it keeps coming. Lesley said that with age comes wisdom, and that I make her glad shes 37. Charity told me once she knew in life she was supposed to know God, love God, and serve God, but there were times however she wished he would tell her the best way to do so. I envy her at times, her faith even if she claims she questioned at times, the doubt was never so strong that she completely denounced God. She always seemed so full of faith and at times I claimed she was blind, that she never questioned. Now I wonder which of us has lead the better life. Though I would never say that outloud.

For all my scoffing and "I pitty you" head shakes I give, I have no faith. Is there a higher power? Maybe. I don't know. I have faith in the things I've seen, and that is above all else human greed and unkindness. It is the world we live in, and it is sickening to me. That children still die of starvation and abuse, that rape happens daily, that peoples dignaty is taken from them. That there are children who are so desperate for love they pimp themselves out to sick pedophiles, girls forced to grow up in aworld were if youre not a size zero you're nothing. People just turn their backs on these things, pretend they don't happen. In a world where "Love me, hate me, but please dont ignore me" is something we all feel... their ignorance kills.

Where do these thoughts bring me? Right back to square one. I have no faith save what I've seen. And I've seen pain.

xoxo SJ at 5:36 AM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

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♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
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