SUPERNOVA*

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Is there anybody out there?

I don’t think anyone even reads this anymore. Bleh. I feel like hell. Drew and I got into the other night and it was like such a slap in the face, I suddenly realized that no matter what I do nothing ever really changes. In the last month I’ve come to this place where I hate everything about me again, where I’m constantly looking into the mirror and seeing how I’m not good enough, not smart enough. The night of the fight mom came to get me because I couldn’t deal with being there anymore. I was a mess and she forced me to go home because she thought I would do something stupid. Its not even so much Drew as everything that lead up to that moment.

I had to apply for a unsubsidized loan, even with that I still owe the school $500, I haven’t been awarded work study, and I can’t seem to find a job. Like seems to be falling apart right now, and that old familiar pain of just getting my bearings and having the world ripped out from under me. I’m bloody miserable and slipping fast into this pit of despair. I miss Jay so much it hurts and every time I try to email her I get a message back saying it couldn’t be delivered. My finger still hurts and has now moved to the oozing puss phase, as well as peeling. It’s so gross.

I thought about it again, last night, before I went to sleep. It all seems too easy in the back of my mind, to just do it and get it over with, Mom would hurt of course, but in the end it would be better for her since I’m to blame for all of her financial problems anyway. And it’s not like anyone else would really notice. I’ve been absent for awhile now, and none of them really seems to care. I mean I’m sure they miss me but… it would be sort of like that song that you love when it first comes out then it slowly dies away.

Super Nova, all burned out.

xoxo SJ at 10:44 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
♥ Myspace Vanity
♥ Vanity Fiction
♥ Profile Vanity

Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James