SUPERNOVA*

Monday, August 08, 2005

I'm Smiling

I got my scholarship.

I shall be returning to school in September.

I have kept this news to myself for nearly a week.

Why?

Because It was something almost to precious to share.

I have become greedy with my happiness. Does that make sense?

I told Jay, and Skidata-lee, and my mother, and the Aunties… and a part of me wanted to run to the phone and tell Grandma.

She would be so proud… I know she would be so proud…

And knowing that makes the fact that shes not here so much harder.

I ach. It is a physical sort of pain that I try so hard to ignore by not talking about. I try to pretend I’m happy and well and not dying just a little bit every day…

Then it occurs to me we’re all dying a little bit every day.

I’m starting to fall for this person, this beautiful, wonderful, creative, lovely person who isn’t so very far away, who brings out the best in me, and laughs away the worst.

But I have sense this time.

I am gifted with the knowledge that to do anything about these feelings would ruin everything. We could never ever ever be as good together as we are right now.

Right now we are everything, we are our favorites, we are beautiful, and talented, and bitter sweet cynical.

Right now, this moment, we are living and loving and lovely.

And even though I hurt, even though I’m crying as I type this…

I’m smiling.

xoxo SJ at 12:35 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
♥ Myspace Vanity
♥ Vanity Fiction
♥ Profile Vanity

Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
♥ Kyte
♥ Josh Ritter
♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James