SUPERNOVA*

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

Mega Bitch.

I am in a foul mood. I have been for about two days now. I’m trying to be cheerful and not let these things bog me down, but thinking about school next fall is already giving me hives. It doesn’t help of course that everyone is leaving and everything is changing. I wouldn’t say that I’m jealous of Tina and Diane, but in a way maybe I am. No, jealous isn’t the right word, it’s a different sort of feeling. I like them, I like that Ari has friends and places to be and things to do. I like that she isn’t quite so angry anymore and has positive outlets for her energy.

I suppose, really, I just miss last year. I miss how everything was insanely complex but also insanely fun. I miss how nothing ever made sense, but it all worked out in the end. I miss having a place of my own, a life of my own, a world of my own. When I was sad or angry or hurt, I could literally go into my dorm room, lock the door, and not have to deal with anyone. I could shut the whole world out until I got my bearings again… and somehow that never seemed to take as long when I could finally pull away and sort myself out.

I don’t have anywhere to go anymore. I mean I do but I don’t. I can’t ever seem to escape myself, or my mother, or my idiot feelings about this that and the other.

It occurred to me today how terribly vindictive I am. We had a girl who deleted all of characters and created a new one, pretending to be someone else. She was the fuel to Jamie’s flame, yet she created another character? I sat through being called a Nazi Bitch (and I don’t care what you say Ari, in the context in which she used it, it WAS offensive), and yet we mollycoddled Jamie, and now no one is going to tell Jenni she’s been found out and that she fucked up massive threads because of her temper tantrum. She just gets to get away with it.

Her whole big gesture of deleting all her characters because we were too mean to her, all of that BULLLFUCKINGSHIT. And no one is going to say anything to her about it. That strikes me as inherently wrong. I don’t know why. The thing that bothers me the most is I can’t do or say anything about it. She keeps talking to me, like I want to hear a damn thing she has to say, like I care what she thinks? She’s a fucking disgrace.

xoxo SJ at 1:03 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

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