SUPERNOVA*

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Welcome to ADULTHOOD

I am so fucking frustrated right now! I can’t deal with anymore crap this term and it’s only the fourth week.

Apparently, the loan my mother was just SURE she was going to get, the loan that she signed the acceptance for, as been denied. This loan was going to be for about 10,000 which would have given me money to actually live on for the next eight months or so. However, now that she’s been denied, this means that I might be able to take out 3500 in loans- that has to stretch over the next three terms because I’m going to have to take a class in summer. This means I only get another 875 a term, which means that after I pay for CLASSES ALONE, I’ll have about $384 to buy books (which was nearly 300 this term) and live on for three months.

Ari, of course, has a solution for this. I’ll live at home and carpool with Hope once she’s gone, I’ll just have to suck it up.

I know that everyone will do everything they can to make this a little easier, I know that. I know that to the world that doesn’t live inside the house that this might not seem like such a big deal. Ari and I will throw up some curtains, clean out the cobwebs, and make it feel like home… and that might help.

But I every day that I spend with my mother, is another day I feel a piece of me dying inside.

I loved being out on my own. I loved being able to have my space and my life and no one could tell me where I needed to be or what I needed to be. I was, for the fist time in my life, feeling free. I had that... and I was so close to having it again. I was so unbearably close I could taste it. I was counting down the days until I could be out on my own again.

Maybe the thing that makes this so hard, the thing that breaks my heart, is that I don’t have any choice in the matter anymore. I don’t get to have a say in what really happens now. I just have to do what I have to do, and suck it up. I hate that.

Welcome children, to Adulthood. Definition: Doing the shittiest things in life for no fucking money, respect, or joy- with a smile on your pretty little face.

xoxo SJ at 12:53 PM.

About Me

Name ♥ Sara
Birthday ♥ o1//o2
Horoscope ♥ Aquarius
School ♥ Of Hard Knocks

Currently

Listening to ♥ Blue October Reading ♥ Reservation Blues

Links

♥ Vintage Vanity
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Playlist

♥ Wazoo Sings
♥ Chealsea Genzano
♥ Lennon Murphy
♥ Imogen Heap
♥ Frou Frou
♥ Bess Rogers
♥ Regina Spektor
♥ Will Hoge
♥ Lyden
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♥ Amos Lee
♥ David James